Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Let Me Inform You...

Shorter Robert J. Birgeneau, Chancellor Robert Birgeneau’s statement to UC Berkeley students involved in the hunger strike:
Let me inform you that not eating for 3 days might not be great for your health, and that I love diversity. Now, to your demands:

1. I'm happy to vaguely express displeasure with laws that are motivated by racis... i mean "deep racial divides." I will be sure to express my displeasure at some unspecified later date.

2. I could make it safe for undocumented students to come here, but that would make it unsafe for undocumented students to come here.

3. F.U. PS: I know all ya'll locked in Wheeler secretly pulled the Dwinelle fire alarms -- my magic-detecting cat told me so.

4. We are careful to only lay people off in humane ways.

5. If by "student-led" you meant "administration-led," then sure, you're on.

6. We put ads in the Daily Cal teaching you how not to get randomly beat up by cops, but you didn't learn.

Ok we're cool, right? So how about you get off my lawn so we can all get back to patenting more famine-inducing biofuel crops, k?

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